This past weekend, I saw Rich for the first time in two weeks. I was supposed to come home on Monday morning, but, for various reasons I headed back yesterday afternoon. We won't see each other now for about four weeks, as I'm working some overtime and then he's travelling with work. And I thought two weeks was a long time!
As you know from a previous post, I was not happy about the two weeks apart, so the upcoming four weeks fill me with a dread so deep I cannot think too far ahead without feeling incredibly sad.
I realised during those last couple of evenings, that you simply cannot get enough of a person. You cannot fill up on hugs and kisses and laughter in the hopes that they will sustain you over the next few weeks. Before a separation, long or short, nothing will ever be enough. You must take what you can, but not hope that it will support you.
Did I know this before? We started off as a long-distance relationship, with him at uni in Portsmouth and me living in London. Perhaps I smugly shrugged off the knowledge of missing someone once he moved to London and we moved in together. Now I am having to relearn how to miss him without getting lost in that.
And yes, I realise he's only a couple of hours away and that this is all very melodramatic, but we are still at the beginning of this new stage of our relationship and I think it's important to be honest - I am struggling with it.
There are ways through it, I'm just reaching out to find them.
You are wise to ride this wave in such an honest way. There is strength in admitting fear.
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